


Loving you on my second thought

by Morathi_Cain



Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [10]
Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, King's POV, M/M, Ram is still worried, Realisation of feelings, Shame, Talking, happy end, post ep 13, soft angst, the boys will talk, there will be tears, word vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:33:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24355876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morathi_Cain/pseuds/Morathi_Cain
Summary: King told Ram to spend time with his friends and Ram does, thinking he's being rejected. It hurt King more than he had thought, but it was his own fault, wasn't it? Shouldn't he be happy Ram is finally having some fun instead of having to worry about his idiotic senior, King himself?Happens after episode 13. I watched the episode and needed to get those feelings out >.<All the love to RamKing!
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Series: What is it about those engineering boys? [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1708738
Comments: 28
Kudos: 430





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was my way to work through the pain and the yearning from episode 13. I felt with both of them and am hoping so much for a happy end!  
> Hope this will help you as well, or at least let's you have fun ;)

Loving you on my second thought

Ram vanished from King’s sight.

Not entirely of course, but he kept his distance the whole day, giving his best not to look at King. Like, at all. Even when he came back to their tent, Ram’s stuff was already gone, someone else setting up his sleeping place.

This wasn’t what he had wanted.  
This definitely hadn’t been what he had wanted and it hurt.

It hurt so much to see Ram do exactly, what he had offered and asked him to do. To watch Ram with his friends, avoiding King with his whole being. 

Had he been right in the end? Had all of Ram’s caring been forced? Had he only done it as a way to thank King? Had he pushed himself to do it? Had he been wary of King’s constant need of help? The fact he had to worry all the time, despite King trying to be independent and good.

Had he been right and this was the proof?  
If so, he wasn’t happy about it. It was the opposite: he hated it.

He hated watching Ram avoid him. He hated not having him by his side in the next night, missing him every second of his time. He hated the thought of Ram being tired of him. It hurt more than he could have imagined and even though he knew Ram was important to him, he was still surprised by the intensity of his own feelings.

Wasn’t it usual to be sad when a friend stayed away? But this case was different, wasn’t it?

Because it was his own fault. King had pushed Ram away that night, full of confusion and guilt and shame. He hadn’t wanted to be more of a burden for Ram than he already was. He had wanted to wipe away this concerned look on Ram’s face, which didn’t seem to vanish lately, whenever he watched King. He had wanted to do it right and to let Ram go, let him be with his friends instead of caring for this foolish senior who did everything wrong, who made mistake after mistake while trying to be better.

King had really tried making Ram worry less. He’d told him it was fine, he’d tried getting his own medicine, to walk himself, but he had failed spectacularly, making Ram worry even more. And he shouldn’t have. Ram had enough to worry about and this trip was supposed to be a distraction, not more emotional baggage. And for Ram, King was emotional baggage.

He’d reminded Ram of his father, he was sick and not careful enough all the time. He needed to be taken care of instead of him caring for Ram. Which was what he wanted to do so much, it made his heart hurt.

But he wasn’t able to. Instead, he made everything worse and Ram still went this extra mile, cuddling him for warmth and being so gently and soft towards him. A gentleness and softness he didn’t even deserve. 

“Shit”, he mumbled as he woke up, his sight crooked and dizzy. For one short moment he wanted to go out alone, doing this himself, but memories of himself fainting, came back, the guilt of doing the wrong thing and making it worse. He shouldn’t repeat himself, even if the boy next to him wasn’t Ram.  
And so King woke this guy up, asking him to accompany King to the pharmacy and toilet until he felt more steady, his sight a little less dizzy.

When they crossed the path of Ram and Ting Ting, he was torn between avoiding Ram’s eyes and telling him he had learnt from his mistake and had asked for help. But when their eyes met, he couldn’t say a word, could only stare until Ram had looked away, his gaze finally unreadable for King. Had he been sad? Worried? Angry?  
King didn’t know.

So he let himself be dragged further, his heart sinking with every second.

And it had all been his own fault...

~~~

‘I’ll come at 9 to get my things’

King stared at the text message, his hands sweaty and shaky.

This had been what he wanted, wasn’t it? For Ram to not worry anymore, to be better, to move back to his parents once the problems were resolved. Not because he wanted Ram out of his home, but because he wanted Ram’s problems and worries to be over. And then he would definitely move out, wouldn’t he?

But was everything resolved now, he wondered. Would Ram move back to his family or would he go to one of his friends? Duen maybe? Who seemed in so much pain after the break-up?

King looked to the sight, watching Bohn sleep against the window, seeming so exhausted and tired, it broke King’s heart. Or it would have if it wasn’t already broken.

Because no, he didn’t want Ram to simply move out. He wanted him to stay with his dogs and be adorable and soft and close to him. He knew it was selfish and he kind of hated himself for it. Shouldn’t he let him go and be with his friends? Especially after King hurting himself so often?

Once again he looked down at his phone, reading the words as if they weren’t already burnt into his memory, a constant reminder of his pain. He’d probably done the right thing, but he still felt like shit and it was his own fault. There was no right way out of this and he needed to endure this pain. For Ram.

~~~

Opening the door to Ram with his heart in his throat was painful. King had been sitting in his kitchen for two hours now, trying to rearrange a plant, but watching the clock instead.

Two hours and it would be over.  
One and a half hours and it would be over.  
One hour and it would be over.  
Fifteen minutes and it would be over.  
Two minutes and it ...

There had been a knock and King had jumped up, his hands shaking slightly, his wound throbbing like crazy. He didn’t even know what kind of face he made when he opened the door, but Ram was barely looking at him anyway. He didn’t even say anything, his mouth a tense line. Only when King stepped back after a few dumbfounded seconds did Ram move, carefully navigating past him without touching him even accidentally. It left King with a hollow feeling, an itch which he couldn’t scratch and he knew he had fucked it all up.  
When pushing Ram away out of guilt and confusion, he’d broken their tentative friendship, the soft and gentle bond they’d built.

King felt as if he was about to cry right then and there, wishing he could take those last days back. He wished he would have cared for himself better to not make Ram worry. He wished he wouldn’t have said those words or would have said better ones. Words which didn’t make Ram avoid him like this now. He’d been able to hurt Ram twice with his words in one day and he hated himself for that.

While Ram went through the flat, packing his bag, King could only stand there and watch him, watch his love get ready to be out of his life. His love ...

A choke escaped King as the thought came back with full force.  
His love.  
His ... love.  
Ram.  
Ram was his love?

Suddenly everything made so much more sense and the knowledge was crushing.

The fact he felt so content and safe with Ram.  
The fact he got nervous whenever Ram was openly emotional.  
The fact he thought of Ram as being beautiful.  
The fact he wanted Ram to stay in his life, even in his flat and in his bed.  
The fact it hurt so much to think Ram had only forced himself to be caring to King.  
The fact the thought of losing him was more painful than the wound at his head.  
The fact he wanted to be supported and cared for by Ram. A fact which had made him feel so guilty and shameful, he’d hated himself for it.

Another choke escaped him as he tried to keep it down, to control himself, to not let Ram see and realise and ...

“P’King?”

And there he was, right in front of him, a bit dizzy and shaky, but so so beautiful with his dark eyes and his worried frown. A frown King wished he could swipe away, make Ram happy again. But he couldn’t. It wasn’t him, it ...

Strong hands led King towards the sofa, carrying him halfway as his mind registered only part of his surroundings.

“Did you drink anything?”

The soft, deep voice was a rumble, King would have loved to sink in and never stand up. But he tried to think of an answer and ended up shaking and nodding at the same time, making Ram sigh.

“Where’s your medicine?”

King pointed towards his bag with one shaking finger, instantly grabbing it afterwards with his left hand, trying to hide the tremor.

“I’ll be back”, Ram promised and King let him go, even though he wanted nothing more than to grab his wrist and keep him right there. To not let him go.

Only seconds later, Ram was back, though, a pill and a bottle of water in his hands, making King drink and swallow the medicine. And he stayed by King’s side, a calming and steady presence until the world was a bit less dizzy and shaky. King feared if everything was back to normal, Ram would simply go and he knew he wouldn’t do anything about it, despite his newfound love for him, despite ...

“P’King, you should really care for yourself more. What if I hadn’t been here? What if ...”

“I’m sorry.”

Ram clammed up, his mouth once again a tight line. Maybe King should have done the same, but he couldn’t, his mouth running freely.

“I’m sorry, really. I didn’t want to make you worry and I’m still doing it all the time. I hate it, okay? You’ve enough to worry about and here I am, unable to take care of myself, making you stay by my side like a little child, instead of letting you enjoy yourself. And then I hurt you all the time, saying all this dumb and idiotic shit. Believe me, I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t even want you to stay away, but I know I should let you go because you have friends and you deserve to have some fun and not be forced to accompany this idiotic senior. Which is me, by the way. But apparently, I can’t do anything right and you’re too nice to say No and now I hurt you so much you even want to move out and can’t look me in the eyes anymore and it hurts. It really hurts, but it’s my own fault, isn’t it? For sending you away. But it would be selfish to keep you by my side and I can’t stand doing that to you.”

By now Ram’s eyes were wide as he sat still in front of King, not even moving his pinky. For a second, King wondered if Ram understood even a single sentence, but he couldn’t stop himself from spilling all those damn feelings he’d tried to bury deep inside himself, hoping they would go away and he could give Ram his happiness somehow while doing it.

“But you know what hurts the most? To think I have been right and all you did was force yourself because you were too nice or because you wanted to give something back to me. I don’t want that. I don’t want to force you to anything or to hurt you at any moment and I don’t want you to feel obliged to help me and care for me. To think you maybe felt this way and still gave me all of this, all of you, hurts. I know it’s selfish and I know I should be happy about your attention even if it’s just the attention of a junior, but ... but ... I can’t, okay? I can’t be happy just with this and to watch you move out, even if it is to a better place and a better person. I want you to stay, but I don’t dare to ask, because I love you and I couldn’t endure forcing you out of guilt, knowing it’s not mutual and I’m sorry for realising it so late and to make you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean to say any of this, but I love you.”

As sudden as the words had started coming, he now had none left. King felt hollow and empty, except for the tears which were by now running down his cheeks as if they’d only waited for a clue, a signal, a moment to come.

He cried without a noise, staring at his trembling hands, as if they could give him an answer, as if they were the answer, expecting any moment Ram to stand up and go, fearing this had been too much. Knowing this had probably been too much and hating himself once again.

Gentle fingers touched his chin suddenly, making him look up through his tear-dimmed eyes.

There Ram still was, his eyes still wide and full of wonder, but he didn’t seem shocked or disgusted, only eternally gentle. Ram seemed to search for something in his face and King held still, letting Ram search, enjoying every moment he stayed with him, every second they touched.

As soon as Ram had found what he’d apparently been looking for, he tentatively pulled King at his wrist. King followed the movement, being wrapped into strong arms only seconds later.

He could feel the deep sigh leaving Ram, the way he buried his face into King’s neck for a moment as if to remember his scent. It made him blush as if he wasn’t nervous and excited enough already.

“I’m sorry”, he murmured again the only words in his mind right now.

“Don’t be”, Ram whispered back, his grip tensing.

“But I made you worry so much and kept fucking it up.”

Slowly, a finger kept brushing his back in circles, making King torn between Ram’s voice and the touch.

“I like worrying about you.”

“But you shouldn’t”, King protested weakly, “You should be happy and without worry. You deserve it.”

Ram slowly pulled back, taking his delicious warmth with him. The warmth, King had missed since he’s pushed him away the night before. His voice was rough.

“I’m happy when I’m with you. I’m happy when I’m the one allowed to care for you. When I’m the one you go to for help.”

Suddenly memories of Ram staring at him with frustration as he was led by someone else to the pharmacy, flashed through King’s mind.

“Wait, so you were jealous at the camp?”

A blush confirmed his suspicions, even if Ram didn’t say anything, casting his eyes down with a speed he admired.

“I don’t want to tease you, I’m sorry”, he hastily said, grabbing Ram’s arm with newfound hope, “But does this mean you like me as well?”

Ram’s raised eyebrow was close to vanishing in his hair, but his blush was still there, his nervousness visible in the way he tightened his own grip on King’s wrists. For a second King stared down again, before gently rearranging their arms so they were actually hand-holding.

With a shy smile he looked up again: “One squeeze for No and two for Yes, okay?”

Almost instantly Ram squeezed his hand twice.

The hope which had been just a spark a minute before, was a small flame by now and even though King knew they had more issues to talk about, this was all he could think about for now. The thought of Ram liking him, made him giddy, the pain and dizziness slowly being reduced to a minimum.

“Just to be sure: I love you. I’ve only come to realise it, but I do. Do you understand?”

Two strong, slow squeezes and King felt his face heat up. He’d never before confessed his love so openly. Which might be because he’d never before felt any strong romantic attraction to anyone. But with Ram he did. And that’s why he needed to do this right.

“Do you ... like me?”

Two careful but strong squeezes, their eyes locked.

King took a shaky breath, his heart in his throat: “Do you like me romantically?”

Again, two squeezes, their hands by now sweaty.

Slowly, King realised the full meaning of this touch, the knowledge his freshly realised feelings weren’t unrequited, but mutual. Ram hadn’t spent time with him despite wanting to be somewhere else, but because he had wanted to. Because Ram wanted to be the one for King.

It was as if someone had taken the blindfold off King’s eyes, making him see once more, what had been hidden because of his own confusion and nervousness and guilt. And what he could see, was amazing, mind-blowing, astonishing, beautiful!

“You’re beautiful!”, King said, by now smiling brightly, his eyes dancing across Ram’s face.

Ram, who was smiling this shy, happy smile. The one King had seen so often already, so full of promises and feelings. The one King hadn’t been able to read, because he hadn’t been ready yet, his feelings not yet fully developed. But once he knew ... well, King wouldn’t back down again, not wanting this feeling of loss and pain ever again.

“Can I kiss you?”

For a second, Ram stared at him, a desire visible, which made shivers run down King’s back with its intensity and urgency.

Two fast squeezes were the answer and King feared his heart might jump out of his throat any second.

“That was fast”, he teased, “I’m not sure if this was one or two. Could you ...”

Two more squeezes, a bit slower but no less urgent now. And then more squeezes happened as if Ram had to make sure King understood, drawing him in carefully. He didn’t need to, King moving on his own, his eyes never leaving Ram’s face.

“You’re sure?”, he whispered once he was close enough.

Ram responded with fast, shaky nods, still focused on King. And King loosened his grip on Ram’s hand to cup his face instead, brushing gently over his ear, the light stubble, as he moved closer.

Ram let out a shaky breath as King kissed the tip of his nose.  
Ram closed his eyes as King kissed his cheek.  
Ram let out a whine as King kissed his forehead with shaky lips.  
Ram tightened the grip on his hand, as King kissed his lips, carefully and shivering.

King might not yet know what exactly he was doing. He might not yet be over his guilt entirely, but if there was even a tiny bit of a chance for Ram to stay with him, he would give his best to adore and love this man with every fibre of his heart.

“And let me take care of you”, Ram murmured between kisses, obviously in on King’s thoughts.

Well, King thought with a soft smile as he pulled Ram back in, he would get used to that as well. It was a beautiful thought, once the guilt was out of his way.

Together they were able to get this relationship right.  
Together they were able to be happy.  
Together, they would learn.

the End


	2. The pain in my heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to write Ram's perspective as well. So prepare for some pain and some fluff <3  
> Have fun!

The pain in my heart

_ „Sometimes it hurts more to hope, and it hurts more to care.“ _ \- Katara in ATLA

~~~

For the first time since he’d met King, Ram wished he could take his heart out and throw it away. At least for a moment, even a second to not feel the pain, constant pressure on his heart, in his mind. Maybe he could throw his mind away as well, so he could finally stop remembering the moment, King had pushed him away. The moment he was rejected, King telling him his care wasn’t wanted, his hands lonely and cold.

He’d really tried to be brave when he’d cuddled next to King. He’d tried and hoped so much, he’d believed there might be a possibility for King to love him back.

Now he knew it had all been in his mind.

His care was unwanted, his hope had been crushed. King had just been nice to him and he was the fool for falling for him. It was his own fault, really, but that didn’t make it hurt less.

Lying next to King, tears in his eyes as he felt every centimetre between them, a distance he couldn’t cross, he remembered. He remembered the nervousness of meeting King for the first time. His happiness when King had tried again and again to find a way to communicate with him. His pride when he’d made King shy or happy with a single word or a text. The comfort he’d felt when King had been there for him, supporting him through his pain. The relief he’d felt when King had apologised sincerely, something he desperately needed and wasn’t used to.

All those memories came back to haunt him, to make him see his own love even more while he tried to control himself so King wouldn’t realise his pain. Because right now he wouldn’t be able to take King’s care and worry. He’d say or do something stupid and he couldn’t have that, could he?

After all, it was his own fault for mistaking King’s friendship and care for something else. And however much it hurt him, he wouldn’t show how he felt, would never let King know about his feelings. He hadn’t been able to understand Ram’s confessions till now anyway, so that shouldn’t be a problem, should it?

To think Ram had been happy about the slow process. About the way they naturally moved towards each other, giving himself the possibility to express himself in his own pace. He’d confused King, but he’d thought it was a good thing. To be preferred over any fast confession, which would have overwhelmed himself as well. He’d still thought of it as a process, though. 

Now he knew it had been an innocent confusion. There had been nothing else besides King wanting to be nice to him. Because he was a nice person. Someone who cared and Ram wasn’t special in any way. Or at least not the way he wanted.

With King finally sleeping next to him, thanks to the painkiller, Ram lay awake, tears slowly running down his cheeks, his heart not slowing down for even a second. And as soon as the morning light came through the tent, he took his bag and went outside to get as much distance between them as possible.

He would have loved to take care of King now, looking at his wound, giving him water and making sure he was well enough. But it had been plain: His care wasn’t wanted. And so he went away, not wanting to make King more uncomfortable.

~~~

Ram wished he could concentrate on his friends. He wished he could throw away the part of his heart and mind which belonged to King now, which still cared so much. But it would have been all of it, King owning every part of him, appearing in every corner of his thoughts. And Ram couldn’t stop caring.

His eyes went to King all the time, seeking him out anxiously, hoping and having his hope crushed. To see how weak King still seemed, how much in pain he still was, made him almost jump up and run to him. But he wouldn’t survive another rejection, didn’t want to upset King further.

So he stayed, watching with his whole body being one tense line, one single nerve. There was no care in the way he planted the trees, not concentrating on his chatty friends. 

When King staggered and held his head, he wanted to fetch some water. When Bohn came and King pulled himself together, he wanted to hug him and tell him it was okay. But maybe it was what King needed right now. Caring for his friend, not some junior he’d accidentally adopted.

The bitter thought made Ram look away again, wishing he could simply stand up and flee. He didn’t want to be here anymore.

~~~

Getting someone else to switch places with him, wasn’t difficult. People loved King and there was no shortage of them agreeing to take his space. It only doubled his bitterness, but it was better than lying awake for another night, right next to King in uncomfortable silence.

Who would have known caring for someone could be so painful? But then Ram remembered his own father and the betrayal, which had split his heart open already. Maybe his wish for honest love had been too much. Maybe he’d projected his need onto King, imagining him caring for Ram.

Although no, King definitely cared for Ram, but not in the way he’d hoped for. And right now, with everything happening, his heart being crushed by his father and his best friend and reality hitting hard, he couldn’t stay by King’s side. He couldn’t behave as if everything was okay. He simply couldn’t. So he moved out of the tent.

What he hadn’t expected though, was locking eyes with King as he let himself be helped. As he was half carried by the guy Ram had switched with. As he seemed so comfortable being close to someone else, letting this one care for him in a way, he hadn’t let Ram do. At least not when he was conscious.

It hurt. It hurt so much, Ram didn’t know what to do with himself.

He knew, objectively, he should be happy someone else was taking care of King. He should be happy King wasn’t alone and had apparently learned. But all he could think about was how it wasn’t him. It wasn’t him carrying King, touching him, making sure he was alright.

It was this moment right then and there when he decided to move out. 

There had been one last spark of hope he could go back and behave as if everything was alright. As if they were simply friends, enjoying King’s presence as much as possible.

But now he knew he couldn’t do it. There was no way he could behave the same but keeping his distance enough to make King comfortable again.

Because he’d always wonder if he was too much with his worries, his anxiety and his care. If any word was too much, a step over the line of friendship. And he couldn’t let himself hope again. It was too painful.

~~~

Sitting next to a sniffling Duen on the bus, was the best and loneliest choice he’d ever made. He kept caring for his friend while watching King care for Bohn, who seemed a mess as well, maybe even more than Duen. 

His own broken heart had prevented him from being too angry at Bohn. This and his observations during the last days. Maybe King and he should have swapped places because somehow Ram could feel with Bohn.

He’d seen his friend avoiding his boyfriend’s touch so obviously, his heart had hurt for Bohn. Their whole interactions had seemed depressing lately, but Ram had been too worried about himself, he hadn’t intervened. And now he felt pity for Bohn. What a change.

Somehow he wished King would have been as obvious as Duen, but on the other hand ... no, no he really didn’t wish that. At least he’d had a friend by his side who’d been there when he’d been crying and at least King hadn’t avoided him so massively. A bit, yes, but not as much. Maybe Ram wasn’t as good at reading people as he’d thought before, but at least it hadn’t gone as far as Duen’s relationship. 

When Duen had told him about Bohn’s lie and the way he’d seen him in the wood, Ram had had a hard time being empathetic. Because what was one silly lie and one misunderstood moment against being pushed away constantly? Being rejected to obviously?

No, for once in their friendship, Ram was too tired to take Duen’s side without question. For once in their friendship, he understood why someone else had behaved, even though it hurt Duen. But he didn’t try to correct Duen, knowing too well if his friend had made up his mind, there was no changing it.

So instead of saying anything, Ram kept silent, letting Duen rant and cry until he went quiet, not getting the sympathy he’d expected. And for once in their friendship, Ram thought that might be a good thing.

He would have felt guilty anytime else, but right now he was too tired, his own heart too broken, to care.

And all he wished for, was for this day to be over. For him to be at Duen’s place. For him to be not at King’s place.

~~~

Seeing King right in front of him, was a shock. 

He’d prepared to meet him again, to pack his stuff and just go. He’d been prepared for the heartache, for the tension. Maybe for questions even, but there weren’t any.

All there was, was King looking worn out, sick and exhausted. It hadn’t been so bad earlier, but maybe he’d given his best to appear better, to seem alright.

Now all he made Ram want to do was take him into his arms, give him some water and medicine, carry him to his bed and tell him any tale he’d ask for.

He shouldn’t.

It took all control he could muster, for Ram to stay away, to not break the promise he’d given himself, even if it meant denying himself all he wanted: to care for King.

When he heard King’s choke the first time, he thought he’d misheard, tried to ignore it, knowing it wasn’t for him to react if it was real. But when it happened the second time, he looked up to see King stagger, his eyes dazed and his whole body shaking.

He couldn’t have stopped himself, even if he’d wanted to.

And so he cared and he worried and he scolded, his brain reeling as soon as the first shock was over, as soon as King’s breathing seemed better, the colour of his skin healthier.

It was normal to care for someone in pain, he reminded himself, even if the person was only an acquaintance. King couldn’t push him away for that. He himself didn’t have to feel guilty for it.

But the moment would soon be over and he needed to end it, before King would do it. He simply had, knowing his heart wouldn’t stand another rejection. Not so soon.

Still ... he couldn’t go without voicing his worries one last time, wishing he could finally make King see reason and care for himself at least if Ram wasn’t allowed to do it.

“P’King, you should really care for yourself more. What if I hadn’t been here? What if ...”

“I’m sorry.”

Ram clammed up, feeling his whole body tense up. He shouldn’t have said anything, he should have just stood up to go. There was no way he could listen to King’s apology now. An apology which would hurt Ram even deeper, send him away again because he wasn’t worthy. But King opened his mouth again to talk and Ram knew he’d sit and listen because King was his heart and his love and he wasn’t over him.

King’s next words weren’t what he had expected.

“I’m sorry, really. I didn’t want to make you worry and I’m still doing it all the time. I hate it, okay? You’ve enough to worry about and here I am, unable to take care of myself, making you stay by my side like a little child, instead of letting you enjoy yourself. And then I hurt you all the time, saying all this dumb and idiotic shit. Believe me, I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t even want you to stay away, but I know I should let you go because you have friends and you deserve to have some fun and not be forced to accompany this idiotic senior. Which is me, by the way. But apparently, I can’t do anything right and you’re too nice to say No and now I hurt you so much you even want to move out and can’t look me in the eyes anymore and it hurts. It really hurts, but it’s my own fault, isn’t it? For sending you away. But it would be selfish to keep you by my side and I can’t stand doing that to you.”

The words slowly got to Ram, even though he wasn’t sure if he understood all of them. But at least of one thing he definitely was sure: There was hope again and it burnt brighter than ever before.

~~~

The moment, King offered to accept hand squeezes as an answer, Ram fell in love with him all over again.

The second, King teased him again, the hesitant and fearful expression finally vanishing, Ram knew he was whole again. 

The slow and deliberate, feather-like kisses King gave him made sure Ram realise he would forever burn for King, his hope by now an open fire.

The whispered moan, escaping Ram as he returned the kiss with trembling lips, reminded him that his right here was a dream come true.

~~~ 

To hold King in his arms, to get kissed and kiss back, to hear King’s love confessions, filled Ram’s heart to the brim, healing those scars and breaks, pushing everything else into the background.

He pulled King closer as they sat quietly on the sofa, hugging each other with no intent to let go.

“I’m so ...”

“Don’t.”

“But ...”

“I don’t want to hear you apologise anymore”, Ram spoke pointedly to make King finally understand.

King sighed: “This time it’s for hurting you.”

Lifting his right hand, King brushed Ram’s cheek gently, the apology visible in his eyes.

“I didn’t intend for it and to know I’ve made you suffer from my ignorance for so long, makes me angry at myself.”

Ram turned his head to kiss the hand caring for him, showing King it was okay. One day he’d actually tell him how happy he’d always been with King. How little the pain had actually been. Only two days, compared to weeks of happiness and love. One day he’d find the right words. Maybe when he was next to King in bed, trying to get him to fall asleep.

One day he would do it, but not today. The pain was still too fresh, so all he could do was show King it was alright. He wouldn’t leave him because of that. And he kissed the hand again, drowning in the fond look in King’s eyes.

“Where were you about to sleep tonight? Duen?”

The question was hesitant, King worried again. Ram nodded.

“Oh”, King’s face fell, “He’s hurt because of the break-up, isn’t he?”

Ram nodded again.

“Then you shouldn’t make him wait for too long.”

No, Ram wouldn’t let King do that again. Not this time. He cupped King’s head with a tight grip.

“Do you want me to stay?”

The blush spreading over King’s face and neck was adorable, making Ram yearn to follow it one day with his mouth.

“I ...”

“Don’t lie.”

“Yes.”

Ram started to smile, the butterflies in his belly bursting to get out.

“But you should be with your friend, he’s more important now and you can always come back and ...”

King was silenced with a kiss, Ram not letting go until he could feel his boyfriend calm down and respond, holding onto Ram’s shirt with trembling hands. Only then did he stop and back up a bit, still cupping King’s face. The half-lidded gaze he received was worth everything.

“I asked him to stay over, not because he needs me, but because I needed a place. He’ll be okay.”

Before the worry could come back, Ram kissed King again. His boyfriend. The giddiness grew.

Backing up only so much he could still feel King’s breath on his lips, Ram decided for one last sentence before he’d shut King up for good.

“Be selfish.”

And this time King didn’t complain. Maybe because he didn’t have a chance to.

the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ^^  
> Please let me know if you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please let me know if you like it ^^
> 
> feel free to talk to me about RamKing/My engineer: https://morathicain.tumblr.com/


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